Home Relationships Let’s Talk: Is He Afraid Of Commitment or Just Not Into Me?

Let’s Talk: Is He Afraid Of Commitment or Just Not Into Me?

by Emma

Let’s talk about relationships. Is he afraid of commitment or just not into me?

Once you find someone you enjoy being with, you gradually but surely start to build a life together. The promise to remain with someone for the foreseeable future and make important life decisions with them constitutes a commitment. Some are afraid of commitment, even if they do like the person they are with.

It’s said that for men, the concept of commitment typically presents a much greater challenge than it does for women. I’m not sure if this is true, but it makes sense from a biological standpoint if you think of men being wired to impregnate as many women, and women being wired to look for stability and a safe environment to birth and raise children. Though there are also many men out there ready for commitment, and many women that are afraid of it. Dating is a game of finding someone who shares your values.

You want to commit. Why your man won’t commit is a question that so many women ask. So, Is he afraid of commitment or just not into me? Let’s figure this out.

Stage of life plays a role

Commitment is often easier when the stage of life you are both is is similar. For example, having a committed relationship with someone with a similar work schedule is easier than a committed relationship where only one of the two is working, and the other is still in school figuring out what they want to do with their life. It might be scarier for the person still figuring out life to commit, but this doesn’t have to mean that they’re not interested.

Couples often argue or fight because they progress through their relationships at different rates. Each of us has a unique perspective on how quickly a relationship should progress from one milestone to the next. Some people prefer to date for a few years before moving in, while others get married after a few months.

You might be worried about your man seeming uninterested in taking certain steps. He might not bring up living together, getting married, or starting a family, for example. Does that mean that he does not want those things? Maybe, but not necessarily. If he generally likes to take his time with things, he might be doing the same with your relationship. He might not feel the rush to take another step, but it doesn’t scare him either. On the other hand, if he seems to live life at a quick pace in other areas of his life and he isn’t putting this same energy in progressing the relationship, he might be less interested in commitment with you than you are with him.

woman thinking "Is he afraid of commitment or just not into me?"

What happens when it gets tough?

Every relationship has ups and downs, and one way to tell if your man is committed to you is to look at how he behaves under pressure in the relationship.

If he gives up quickly and avoids conflict, he might not be that committed – he doesn’t see the relationship as something worth fighting for. If he tries to work through issues with you, it shows that he is interested to try and make it work and keeping the relationship going for as long as possible.

What happens when you bring up commitment?

Thinking about the future is something most of us do. We have probably all thought about wether or not we want to get married, have children, what kind of house we want, and what kind of pets. Even if you don’t have it figured out yet – we do think about it.

What happens when you share these thoughts with your partner? Does he engage and show interest, does he act nervous while talking about it, or does he try to change the subject or even act uninterested and defensive?

Being nervous about it could be a sign of fear of commitment. He likes the idea, but doesn’t want to ‘set it in stone’. Acting uninterested and defensive, though, might be a sign that he is not that interested in the future you portrayed.

Does he embrace time with you?

When a man isn’t really interested in pursuing a relationship with a woman, he will frequently back off whenever you become too “clingy” (probably their words). What I mean is wanting to spend time together, and wanting to be intimate frequently (including just cuddling and watching Netflix).

He might stop calling or messaging you or makes it difficult to plan a date if he is less interested than you are.

Listen, some people need more alone time than others. Needing alone time is not the issue here. I need lots of alone time myself, but I still communicate with my partner. We text and call like we always do and we make plans, even if it’s a week from now because I’m busy and need the little free time I have for myself. If your partner needs more alone time than you do, this doesn’t mean it’s okay to act like you don’t exist and make it difficult to make plans together. If he does, there’s a chance he is not as interested in the relationship as you are.

So, is he afraid of commitment or just not into me?

It can be hard to figure out, and an honest conversation might be the easiest way for you to figure out what his thought pattern is. Keep the above text in mind while initiating the conversation and listen carefully to his answers.

This might also be interesting: When is Enough Enough in a Relationship?

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